f f f f f f f finals....

well i just finished my human development final and boy was it a doosy on my brain and nervous system.  you see it was in essay format which made me want to explode and die rather than sit down and start writing.  one thing i learned in this class was my 'learned helplessness', i've never really let myself achieve.  i only chalk it up to luck or someone else's pity on me, when i really can do these things.  i can succeed, i am not an idiot, i am not perfect and have never had a problem admitting that.  but thank goodness that test is over and now only 2 more to go.  i also got an A on my paper for that class and am feeling super awesome about that!  woohoo!!!!

it's been a while...

well a lot has happened.... my dear friend lulu lost her battle with cancer and i was very sad to lose her.  she was the happiest, most joyful jokester i'd ever had the pleasure of knowing.  she's in a better place, not in pain anymore and all that jazz, but i still wish i could hear her laugh or tell me about how many candy bars she'd eaten that day (fun size ones of course).  turkey day is done and the horrible holiday of christmas is upon us.  and i have finals in a little over a week.  wtf, omg and any other acronym out there that fits this moment.  i'll have to think on that one.  so that's all for now, short and sweet.  hang in there peeps!

sick...

wish i was still in colorado.... feel like poo... yeah i said poo... wellness center doctor was not very, how you say, interested in my medical history.... hate being broke.... back to the modest mouse cd.... sending letters, cards, homemade junk to all my peeps.... need a nap and a hot bath.... that is all......

the lonesome crowded midwest...

there's nothing like making a mistake and having no way to fix it.  is it worse that you disappoint someone or that you have someone to disappoint? 

ugh.....

today = bla...

i should be studying...

that's what i should be doing, but instead i'm thinking about way too much stuff that i need to get done and i'm feeling like time is running out.  like i've only got 12 minutes to get the rest of my life planned out and executed... then i just get executed.  i have tests, homework, papers, reading, studying, all kinds of stuff i am supposed to be doing or preparing for, or at least thinking about.  the only consistent thing i'm doing is listening to music and checking failbook's latest and greatest, i freaking love that website.  it makes me feel a whole lot more intelligent than i really am.  now i know things will balance, that's why i'm whining now while i can.  then i can come back and read this later and say WTF was a thinking?  and laugh lots too, laughing is boss (that's what the youngsters say here at school instead of 'cool' or 'awesome').  yeah i know, nerd ALERT!  peace out for now....

so now i'm 31....

yesterday was my birthday, i'm 31, sitting in a chair staring out the windows at the rain drip dropping outside.  hoping my living room is not drowned.  just heard some pixies, dinosaur jr and now kings of leon.  it's been a good mix.  today was a better day and i'm keeping my fingers crossed that there's even better ones in front of me.  i wish the same for you too...

the beginning in the middle

am i late?  maybe, but maybe not.  it could be that i had to live a little before i could find my way.  read about things i wish i'd done and things i already did.  this is a journey of epic proportions. 

it's interesting how the classes are structured, i'll give you a hint they aren't designed for my learning style.  they do not consider that it's been over 10 years since i wrote anything besides an email, poem or short story with grammatical errors i was not concerned with.  they did not consider that some of the information would be jarring to me, that learning about certain things would cause more self examining than soaking in the information from class.  they didn't consider how the social dynamic would and could cause me to not be able to focus, i never was like the other girls in class and i never did like the guys in class.  being an adult, a self sufficient one for more than 10 years and then being surrounded by kids with no worries is quite an adjustment too.